When a failing relationship has reached its conclusion, it’s often the time where we get the clearest perspectives about what happened. It’s the time where we begin to see what went wrong and how things led up to this point.
This clarity is proof that well before a relationship results in a breakup, there are several signs that emerge that can suggest a relationship is failing.
As for when to use this knowledge, it’s key to look out for these signs within the first month of dating someone. From various behaviours to tendencies, those things shouldn’t be reasons to break up immediately, but rather to address and to make changes to.
Keep in mind that we can’t force people to change in an instant. So long as the person is willing to make changes and is doing their best to do so, this is what matters. Remember that a relationship doesn’t need to be perfect, but that failing relationships will have patterns and trends that occur over periods of time.
So to avoid some, here is a list of some of the signs that can spell disaster for your relationship.
No Or Less Communication
From casual topics like how your day went to more serious topics like goals, vacation or sexual desires, it’s important that both you and your partner can express yourselves without any shame. It’s a rocky road if you or your partner either shuts down or tries to switch the topic when conversations get deeper.
Of course, it’s important to keep in mind human nature. In a realistic world, no one is going to divulge their deepest darkest secrets on the first or second date. That being said, you should be paying attention to how you feel. A good sign of a good relationship is that you feel that you can open up to the person with little worry.
On the note of communication, one other piece of advice we’d give is to also be wary of those who avoid talking about how they feel or discussing issues. During tougher times, people feel the urge to shut away and distance themselves. This leads to the other hanging or having to deal with their own problems themselves.
No Or Less Trust
Another obvious sign is that there is a lack of trust. When they’re not talking much, it could also be because they don’t trust you. How this comes to be can be for a variety of reasons. It could be a coping mechanism or a habit that they have on instinct during certain situations.
That or it could be malicious.
Whatever the case is, this is still a big sign that the relationship can lead to a failure. In this situation, it’s important to hold each other accountable. When someone doesn’t hold themselves accountable in the relationship, it eventually leads to a lack of integrity and soon enough a lack of respect for one another.
Friends And Family Don’t Approve
This sign is something we’d take with a grain of salt. We say that because sometimes friends and family alike can be vindictive and separate you from a genuinely great partner for little reason.
But in other situations they could be your saving grace. Keep in mind that your close friends and family have a good understanding of who you are. So if they see you and your partner together, they should be able to tell if something is off with that person or not.
Naturally we would be hesitant to the idea of ditching our partner right away based on the opinions of others, but we’d give them the benefit of the doubt. Try to be open about their concerns, and pay closer attention to your partner during that time.
There Is Controlling Behaviour
One of the big signs of an abusive partner is when they are driving a wedge between you and other people that you hold dear in your life. As such, it’s an obvious sign if your partner ever tries to pull something like this.
How you can spot this is when conversations begin to form into a “us VS them” scenario. Often times partners will frame division tactics as needing to choose between them or others as an expression of “love.”
When You Are Looking For Different Things
One thing we suggest early on in relationships is to have a talk about relationship goals. What do you want to be getting out of a relationship? It does sound selfish, but the fact is people use other people all the time. So why would this be any different?
This conversation though can work two fold though. For one it allows you to think about your goals and your expectations. But it also is a good sign of whether things will work out or not.
While it’s alright for partners to have differences in opinions, it’s important that long-term goals are still relatively close. If you’re looking to be travelling the world, you want to make sure that your partner would ideally love to join you, or help you with that goal.
The key here is that the goals that each of you have intertwine in some way.
After that, it’s important that you respect each others decisions. Of course this doesn’t mean you have to live with them if they’re deal breakers, but don’t go out of your way to change them. This also applies to things beyond goals like whether they want to get married, have kids, live in certain areas, or do various activities.
That being said, do keep in mind that peoples opinions do change over time. Still be respectful of their decision, but remember to have an open mind.
Not Being Oneself
Authenticity is another important aspect to a relationship now more than ever before. We want authenticity with our brands and businesses, so it makes sense that we want those we engage with to be authentic as well.
As a result, one sign that the relationship will fail is when we try to hide who we are or play up who we are. You don’t want to do that because eventually, people will begin to see through that the further the relationship goes.
You’re Experiencing Abuse
The last sign we’ll cover is abuse. Abuse of any kind is a dead giveaway and it should never be rationalized or tolerated. It’s abusive behaviour and it’s not good. Plain and simple.
That being said, it can be a little tricky to spot this. There are many kinds of abuse and while some are obvious, some are more subtle. An example is the one we gave above where choosing between one or the other is an expression of love. It’s subtle and it’s sneaky.
It’s a matter of paying attention to them and knowing when you’re feeling uneasy or manipulated. Whenever you’re feeling that or hurt in any way, it’s probably abuse.